Exams
Just two more to go now... Then I'll be done... I just hope I get a good grade on the two that I've done already... The last one, probability and statistics... Don't know if I'll get such a good grade on that... Just hope that it's not as bad as the grades I got last year. Oh well, I have to do some physics lab exams... I really don't know anything about this subject.
*God please help me get through this, and help me study for my exams so that i get good grades*
Today is the first day simen and I had a normal friend talk, just like common friends. It hurt a bit, but it will pass, I can't do this forever, so it might as well start now. I'm trying to make myself like him less and less because then eventually I won't care for him anymore. And that's what he wants so I better do it before I get even more hurt. There's no use to love someone that doesn't love you back. Or for that matter like someone that doesn't like you.
The Norwegian flag
17 of May!!
Today is the Norwegian national day, lots of people are outside in the nice weather and eating lots of nice food. There's a nice atmosphere and it's all good :P
we had steamboat for dinner today and then I've been playing around with some of my dresses.
then I've been studying a bit, and just relaxing. It's an ok day today :D
*Thank you God*
Psychology
Today I felt like I really want to go study psychology instead... I'm so confused... Daddy says to finish what I'm doing here first. Mummy says I should do what I want... Daniel says he always pictured me as a psychologist... To tell you the truth I never pictured me as anything. Joar doesn't want to say anything and stands firm that I should do what I want and not what others want... Haven't told Simen yet. I'm so stressed...
I know that the best choice is to stay where I am and try to complete the bachelor I'm on, but here there are so many people that irritate me or make me miserable, at the same time I still have my family here and that's a comfort. If I leave I'll miss them so much and I'll probably get sick again, just like the last time I tried to be away from them for long period of time. But I don't want to be with the other people... They only bring me grief, it would be nice with a new start, something new to study. I don't know what to do. And then I have a cousin in Australia as well, but how much time will I spend with her? She's got her own life there. If I can just manage to get through the two next years it will be ok, I can leave and do whatever I want, I don't have to be with the other people, at least then I have a good education and I can do a lot of things. Two years... I'll get a good pay, when I get a job. The reasons for going is more like running away from things I don't like. And hoping that I'll find what I don't have here at the new place... Is that such a good thing to do?
*God help me find a solution and make the right decision*
Murdoch University
So... Today I got an interesting letter... From IEC... I am now accepted to Murdoch University, bachelor of psychology... And now I don't know what to do... I have to start in July... I mean this is a chance to start over somewhere else... Right... So... What should I do? What will the last year have meant? I already started a bachelor program here... Should I just leave and go for the one in Australia... I'm so stressed now... What to do... Need to decide really quickly... Want to do the right thing... What should I do?
So far so good
Today I woke up and I was in a miserable mood... I've been crying soon much yesterday that today felt like the hangover... But then, I sent a mail to a friend and went to take my theory for my drivers license. And guess what, I actually passed with flying colors :) I'm so happy. Then I went for my driving lesson, and well, that sort of went ok, I felt I really did learn something and that it wasn't uncomfortable because the driving teacher is pleasant to talk to and he doesn't yell at me or anything, I'm just a little jumpy, nervous for eve single detail. But I went ok.
I had a funny dream again tonight... Still feel funny about it but at least today I didn't cry about it :) some feelings must be let go so that others may appear right?
and now I've downloaded Gilmore girls 521! So I think I'll have a nice day today. Need to do some exercise today as well, have to see when I have the time, I need to study as well. But I think I'm using my day well, I got up at 8 o'clock and now it's just soon 3 so I have lots of time left still :)
*thanking God for taking care of me*
Nice day
Despite that I had a really disturbing dream last night, I had a really good day today.
I tried to sleep later today, so I got up at 11! I always wake up at 7 now a days, don't know why. So today I just went to sleep again. So I was relaxed when I got up. Then I called my friend Daniel and he came over and helped me with math for 3 hours. Then he drove me to work and I worked for 3 hours with the new girl. She's really cool, so cool that I don't know quite what to say to her... She's like so original and I'm kind of not. So I tired to talk about stuff but it didn't seem to interest her very much, but she tried to look interested. But I felt good after work because she gives you more self-esteem for some reason, at least I feel better afterwards, even though I felt like an idiot while I was there. She tried to be nice :)
Thanking God for a nice day ^^
Fun Box!
I've finally learnt how to use my DVD-burner that has been in my computer for the last half year :) and I brunt all my Gilmore girls episode on them, from season 1 to season 5 :)
it's so much fun. I always feel happy when I watch them. It's so nice and right... Just like I want it to be to... So I feel joy because it pleases my heart.
On to something else...
My uncle is getting married the 16 of July this year... Kind of weird... He just meet her like 4 months ago and now she has to go back to Bulgaria because she doesn't have a living permit in Norway and since my uncle likes her, I guess that's why they're getting married so soon, so that he can be with her... I guess that's ok... If I works out that is... Or else he's going to be so heart broken... I mean... She's his first girlfriend... And we all know so very well how we felt after our first real boyfriend/girlfriend break-up. I hope they are married for many many years so that the conspiracy of her just marrying him to get to live here wears off. I hope she's better than that. And I hope he's smart enough to at least talk about that to her and make a serious decision on making this marriage work for real, and not just for pretend.
So today I cycled around the lake with my mother. It was nice, warm sun, cold shad, and just accompanying my mother was relaxing... She's really an amazing woman this one.. She can be so strict and yet she can be so funny too. But the last year now she's bee so easy to be around. She stopped scolding me, and we started to talk more about what we interprets what the other one is saying because I guess that's part of the clue why we had such a lousy relationship earlier. Now that we know what the other one is really saying, it makes it easier. And I think that the last half year at least, I've been making better decisions on my own now that I have a better relationship with her. Before I'd just get scared of what she might think and not do it or not tell her about it, but now it's more like I don't do it because I know it will hurt her, not because I'm scared. Surprisingly this makes decision making a bit easier.
Gratitude
It's funny how you think you love someone and feel that you can overcome anything as long as this person is by your side. Come a few years and your heart will tell you something else. Isn't it funny? Love is supposed to be unconditionally right, but it's not. There's always something that can make it go away. Love is not forever, just to a certain point. Pass that point, then there will be something else.
It's sad, that most of us can't stick to something/someone forever. Friends can stick together for most of their lives, boyfriends and girlfriends don't. It's like you suck out all of him/her, and then there's nothing more to explore. Human minds are constantly changing, what we want now is not necessarily what we want later. We're so easy to manipulate if we're not careful.
I think there are very few humble people around. If they get want they've been longing for and searching for, they are grateful and won't ask for more. But people are greedy... If they don't appreciate what they have, they'll be consumed by the world, because everything can be better. I think that's what's wrong with the world. If we all could just be grateful for what we have, love will last forever, and we will find peace in our hearts.
God help us to be grateful and give us wisdom, so that we may appreciate what you have given us. What comes our way , or leaves us, is a chance to prove that we have grown, and that we have learnt more about life and love to make it easier while we're here on earth.
I realized that I'm not ready for the all serious relationship that i've always wanted. I guess I just want to know that when I get older, that i'll have someone. someone who don't mind quarks and that I feel free to be me.
But i've come to realize that there's a reason why we don't get married at 16. we need to experience life, to learn about all the bad things that happen as well as the good things. we need knowledge, we need wisdom, to share our lives with someone. or else things will go wrong all the time and life will be misserable. we need to aqcuire understanding. these three things, knowledge, wisdom and understanding... are things that take time. and we need to take the time to get it.
I realized this when this guy asked me out for dinner. He's just a few years older than me, and i thinkt he's starting to get scared that he might end up being alone. He reminds me of Tommy actually, which made a big red light go off in my head. The problem with Tommy is that he thinks he knows all there is to know about life, and that he now wants to pass it on to others and be a "grown-up". i think that's a bad idea, to get so full of yourself that you think you know everything there is to know, you never stop learning stuff.
so when this guy asked me out, and that i got that image of Tommy in my head, this is what i realized; without knoweldge, wisdom and understanding, you will never be happy, even though you end up with someone in the end.
